We were excited to arrive to El Calafate in Southern Patagonia and be greeted with a very picturesque village with amazing autumn colours, and the mountains reflecting in a flamingo laden lake.  Since all the hostels in the town were so expensive we decided to “posh pack” and upgrade to the most popular spot on trip advisor. After a bumpy ride out of town on a dirt road we arrived to a lovely little hotel right on the lake. We had wine and canapés overlooking the stunning views on arrival which worried us….. Had we miss read the price tag or something? The room was fantastic and I was very excited at the prospect of a bath and a hair dryer (it doesn’t take much). It allowed us time to get organised for what everyone comes to El Calafate to do and that’s the glacier.

We booked the tour for 2 days’ time to maximise the weather conditions which was treating us well for that time of the year.  We felt very prepared for the hike through the forest and strapping on some crampons to hike the glacier. This confidence was primarily due to the fact we had just watched “Man Vs Wild in Patagonia” just weeks before we left Australia. “Man Vs Wild” is a program hosted by Bear Grylls (yes his name is Bear) in which he strands himself in remote locations to demonstrate localized survival techniques. The episode documents his efforts to survive and find   way back to civilization, usually requiring an overnight shelter of some kind.  He served three years with the Special Air Service, a special forces unit of the British army, was the youngest Brit to climb Everest, first to circumnavigate around the UK on a jet ski (why would you want to do that anyway and how is that an achievement???) blah blah blah. What they don’t tell you in the promo is that he does the same techniques every episode just in a different location and involves stating the bleeding obvious, ie Don’t swim with man eating sharks….they might eat you if you look tasty etc. The worst part is I have to endure it every Monday night as it is Plums favourite program.

Anyway I digress……….

We woke early for our expedition to the glacier. Having prepared thoroughly the night before with provision, clothing and Bear Grylls still fresh in our mind we embarked in to the transit van that would drop us deep into the wild……Well actually it dropped us off to another bigger bus that would THEN drop us off into to wild. We decided to befriend a British couple who laughed at the ridiculous amount of rations they had packed. They seemed like a worthy ally if the worst would happened. We had to wait 15 minutes at one of the stops for four Spanish princesses to board the bus still doing their hair and makeup. They continued to do this for the next half hour, instead of mentally preparing for the physical onslaught that would ensue. We decided they would be a worthy candidate to eat if the need arose….although probably stringy.

We boarded a ferry which would take us over to base camp (where the toilets were for wee breaks). For the first time we caught a glimpse of the challenge in front of us, the amazing Puerto Merino Glacier, eerily  glowing blue in the morning sun.  The wind was fierce on the water and we were glad we had brought the extra empty water bottle just in case we needed to pee and it could be streamed into said bottle to keep us warm at night like a hot water bottle, if needed, in our make shift shelter (as seen in Man vs Wild in Patagonia {MVWIP}).

We descended into the forest following a well-positioned path. We felt nervous as it was going away from the water source and further up into the woods. Bear always says when you are lost to trek down hill and follow the water source, it will always lead you back to civilization and help (as seen in MVWIP). We resisted the urge to climb a tree and get a better idea of where we were going and simply follow the path and the guide (MVWIP).

We could hear the mighty crashing sound of the glacier in the background cracking like a shot gun in the distance. The enormity of the natural wonder became apparent as we snuck up the side of the sleeping beast and strapped on some crampons (well actually the guide did, better to be safe).  We started to gingerly walk the slippery slopes in the manner required to avoid injury (guide showed us this not MVWIP). Then suddenly we were faced with our first crevasse. I had always thought if you had fallen down a crevasse you would be a goner. I was so glad that Bear had (in MVWIP) lowered himself into a crevasse to simulate how indeed you would be royally f*#ked if you found yourself in one.  I didn’t feel like simulating this and we moved on.   We climbed relentlessly for what seemed like centuries but surprisingly it was only an hour and a half. From this point we landed at a make shift shelter in the front of the glacier which was actually a bar from which we had whiskey on ice (funnily enough) and a chocolate (thankfully we didn’t have eat glacier plankton  as seen on MVWIP). We were relieved to have successfully conquered the first hundredth of the glacier without casualty.

We decided to bask in our glory over a couple of giant bottles of beer and a nap on the way home.

But in all seriousness now, we had a fantastic time trekking the glacier and generally enjoying the amazing scenery. We were lucky to see many chunks of ice calving of the glacier and even got some footage on camera. We could watch it for hours (it becomes a little obsessive to be honest). I hope you enjoy the photos: they tell the real story.

Much love all!
Jesse Belle

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